Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Toolkit

Learning to pause before we spiral: a quiet moment of connection during an emotionally charged day.

This toolkit is designed to support couples—especially those navigating neurodiverse relationships—in understanding and responding to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).

RSD can make moments of feedback or miscommunication feel intensely painful or personal. This isn’t about blame—it’s about building awareness, compassion, and shared language.

Before You Begin:

If you or your partner are neurodivergent, some parts of this reflection may stir up feelings of shame or defensiveness—especially if you’ve struggled with emotional communication in the past. That’s okay. This tool isn’t about blame. It’s about naming the invisible work that often goes unspoken so that together, you can begin to share it with more honesty, clarity, and care.

If strong feelings come up, take a pause. Breathe. Remind each other that love is still present. This is an invitation, not an accusation.

What is RSD?

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional reaction to real or perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. It’s especially common in people with ADHD, and often misunderstood in relationships.

In moments of RSD, a person might feel flooded, shut down, lash out, or spiral into shame—sometimes even from neutral or supportive comments. RSD isn’t a character flaw—it’s a nervous system response.

Shared Understanding

Here are ways to recognize and respond to RSD as a couple:

 Pause when things escalate. RSD moments can pass more quickly with space.

 Use shared language: “This might be an RSD moment—can we take a breath before we continue?”

 Reinforce emotional safety: “We’re okay. I’m here. This isn’t a threat to us.”

Preventative Practices

 Begin hard conversations with soft-start phrases (e.g., “Can I share something tender?”)

 Name your intention gently: “I want to feel closer—not to criticize.”

 Use calming anchors like a warm drink, sensory object, or hand on heart.

In-the-Moment Repair Tools

 Try a mutual regulation pause: both partners breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4.

 Offer a repair statement: “That came out wrong. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

 If needed, take a time-in: 10 minutes apart with intention to reconnect calmly.

Reflection Prompts (For Both Partners)

 What did I feel in that moment?

 What story was I telling myself?

 What did I fear the other person might think or feel?

 What might I try differently next time?

For the Partner (of someone with RSD)

You’re not expected to fix it—but your awareness and non-reactivity can help de-escalate the moment. Try not to personalize the intensity of the reaction. Stay grounded and curious.

Loving someone with RSD often means practicing compassionate boundaries: holding empathy without abandoning yourself.