When the Misunderstanding Wins: How Emotional Intent Gets Lost in Neurodiverse Relationships
A reflection on the heartbreak of being misunderstood in moments meant for connection—and how repeated misfires reshape emotional safety and expression inneurodiverse relationships.
— Calla Hart
I keep trying to connect. But more often than not, the misunderstanding gets there first.
And that, in some way, always seems to win.
It’s not the intention that shapes the moment—it’s the reaction. His shutdown. His defensiveness. The wall that goes up. And once it does, the entire emotional landscape
changes. Suddenly I’m not reaching out—I’m “attacking.” I’m not offering insight—I’m “making fun.”
That’s not what happened. But that’s how it was received.
And so the whole interaction rearranges itself around the misunderstanding. Again.
That becomes the headline. That becomes the story we’re left with.
And it leaves me carrying a weight I didn’t create. Questioning my tone, my timing, my delivery. Wondering how many more times I’ll soften myself before what I say can be heard for what it is: a longing to connect, not a reason to withdraw.
I’ve started noticing how quickly I shrink back after. How I tiptoe. How I rewrite the next thing I want to say, or don’t say it at all.
Because his discomfort—his misread—becomes the weather in the room. And mine becomes invisible.
That’s what happens when the misunderstanding always wins.
It shapes the silence. It alters the script. It teaches you, over time, to be quieter. Softer.
Smaller.
But I don’t want to disappear inside the space I’ve worked so hard to hold open.
I want to be able to reach. To speak. To bring my whole self to the conversation without walking away in pieces.
And so I write this now—not as a resolution, but as a marker.
Because I still believe in repair. I still believe in what’s possible when we stay at the table, even when it’s hard.
But I also believe that being misunderstood, again and again, can become its own kind of trauma.
And that, too, deserves a voice.
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