Before You Begin:

If you or your partner are neurodivergent, some parts of this reflection may stir up feelings of shame or defensiveness—especially if you’ve struggled with emotional communication in the past. That’s okay. This tool isn’t about blame. It’s about naming the invisible work that often goes unspoken so that together, you can begin to share it with more honesty, clarity, and care.

If strong feelings come up, take a pause. Breathe. Remind each other that love is still present. This is an invitation, not an accusation.

Why This Exists (A Personal Note)

Sometimes I feel like the coach, the translator, the teacher — when all I want is to be the partner. I’ve done so much reading, reflecting, softening, and explaining… and I’m tired. I don’t want to carry this alone. This isn’t a complaint — it’s a call for shared effort. This tool is my way of naming that, and offering us a way forward — together.

Part 1: What Shared Responsibility Means to Me

Below is a suggestion. Use this section to write or speak your own version.

[ ] When I say I want shared responsibility, I don’t mean you have to fix everything.

[ ] I mean I want you to care with me — not just about me.

[ ] I mean I want to stop being the one who always knows what to say or how to say it.

[ ] I want us both to show up with effort — not just reaction.

[ ] I want to feel like we’re moving forward side by side, even when the path is steep.

Part 2: Choose Your Own Contribution

This section is for your partner to choose from — or come up with his own.

Choose 1–2 things you’re willing to do this week that help us move forward. These are not chores. These are ways of showing care and willingness.

[ ] Read one blog post, excerpt, or toolkit page and reflect back what stood out to you.

[ ] Ask me how I’m doing — and just listen. Not fix. Just be there.

[ ] Bring a topic or question to our next conversation.

[ ] Watch a 2–5 minute video on neurodiverse communication. If something resonates, share it.

[ ] Write a note or text about how our last talk landed for you.

[ ] Offer a co-created ritual (example: a check-in time, a “pause” word, a touchpoint routine).

[ ] Reflect aloud on a recent miscommunication and what you think happened.

[ ] Look up something about dyslexia or ADHD in adult relationships. If something resonates, share it with me — even just a sentence or a feeling.

[ ] Help create a communication cue for when one of us is at capacity.

[ ] Say: “I’d like to try again. Can we start over?”

Part 3: What I Promise in Return

Optional — helps make this reciprocal, not performative.

[ ] I’ll try not to lead every time.
[ ] I’ll be honest about what’s hard — without blaming.
[ ] I’ll pause before assuming you don’t care.
[ ] I’ll celebrate the effort — not just the result.

Optional Section:
If You Need to Say This Out Loud

“I’ve been carrying a lot. I don’t want to keep being the only one holding it. This is a tool that helps me feel less alone in this. I’d love for us to try it together.”