When working memory is compromised, tasks that seem “simple” become overwhelming. The mental whiteboard wipes itself clean without warning. This is especially common in people with dyslexia and ADHD, though it may look different in each.

How It Shows Up

• Forgetting what you were about to say mid-sentence

• Losing track of steps in a task (even if you’ve done it before)

• Having to re-read the same line multiple times to retain it

• Being told something—but not being able to recall or act on it

• Struggling to follow group conversations or long explanations

• Feeling embarrassed when something slips out of memory “again”

Relationship Impact

Working memory lapses can feel like carelessness or inattention to a partner. Promises are forgotten, items left behind, plans misremembered. The neurotypical partner may interpret this as a lack of care, while the neurodiverse partner may feel ashamed, overwhelmed, or defensive.

It can also create conflict in emotional conversations—where one person is trying to hold multiple layers of meaning, but their brain can only hold one or two pieces at a time. The result? Miscommunication, shutdowns, or looping arguments where no one feels fully heard.

What Helps

• Externalize the memory: Use notes, checklists, calendars, voice memos—shared systems help everyone feel less burdened.

• Break things down: Shorten instructions or requests into manageable parts. Ask: “One thing at a time?”

• Repeat without judgment: Gently restating a forgotten point can keep connection intact without shaming.

• Make time to pause: Build in moments of silence to help thoughts land and settle.

• Create visual prompts: Labels, whiteboards, and visible reminders reduce stress and repetition.

• Shift the lens: See memory challenges as neurological, not moral. What looks like forgetfulness may actually be effortful coping.

An Honest Reframe

Working memory isn’t about willpower or intellect. It’s about capacity. And capacity changes with stress, fatigue, and time. When we honor that truth, relationships become more about support than scrutiny.